Valarian and the thousands of reasons to hate it?

Valarian and the thousands of reasons to hate it?


It’s 00:25am on a Saturday night and I feel the need to blog about this film and no it isn’t one of those instances where you are bursting with excitement to share with the World what you have just witnessed but rather my absolute disdain for this movie. I chose to spend my Saturday night at the Cinema, and the obvious choice of film was of course Valerian, not because I was anticipating it, but rather because I planned to review it on an upcoming podcast episode of Quiet On Set,and tonight was probably my only chance to see it.

Now I knew very little about this film, only seen a few posters advertising it and caught a trailer which of course was edited to make it seem really entertaining and had a Guardians of the Galaxy vibe to it, the trailer succeeds in manipulating you into going to see it. I am generally big into my sci-fi, fantasy films but I spent 2 hours and 17 minutes to be exact of my life sitting in the Cinema screen wondering how I ended up here on a Saturday night watching one of the worst things I have ever seen.

It is very rare that I despise a film so much, I generally pick good films,and have had my fair share of bad movies, but this was a struggle to endure. I rarely contemplate leaving a film and not watching the film through, but so many times throughout I considered walking out, I don’t know why I didn’t, I maybe hoped it would improve, but that was a long shot.  The worst part is I dragged two friends along to see it and they hated it.

I don’t have any constructive criticism to give about this film, there is nothing redeeming about it in any aspect. It has a 6.8/10 on IMBd, which I am sorry it is not deserving of. I understand people have different tastes and opinions, but I just can’t comprehend how anyone could find anything positive to say about this and actually got any sort of enjoyment out of watching this dirt.

The acting is awful, average performances and that is being kind. I like Cara Delevingne but not in this, the role is terrible and she is not a leading actress. I can’t even blame her on the acting, because of the awful story line and cheesy dialogue. I am sorry but there isn’t anything appealing about this film whatsoever. The CGI is not good and is harsh on the eyes, it no Avatar, and looks incredibly fake.

I went in with no expectations but left with share disappointment and regret. I would not recommend going to see this and I don’t rate this film at all but if I have to rate it out of 1 to 10 in that one is mediocre and 10 is phenomenal, I will reluctantly give it a 1. I very rarely slate a film or rant on my distaste for a film, but maybe it is because I spent a Saturday evening off work watching this.

I could continue on but I feel like saving the rest of my hatred for the Podcast episode which should be fun. Maybe you can watch it and find something about it that you liked that I simply couldn’t grasp but I am doubtful of that.





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